Dealing with Indifference

I find myself these days … shallow. I took a few moments to think about that … shallow. Sounds kind of interesting, doesn’t it ? Why am I saying this … probably because everything is so behind now. I have one fear though … and that is feeling. What if I start to feel again ? What happens then ? I’m not saying that I do not feel anything anymore at all … I do … it’s just somewhere deep inside covered by dust and hopes. And I belive that I can push it even lower …
I’m not funny anymore … I used to be funny, I rarely smile from my heart or laugh as I used to. Maybe that is why it hurts so much, because I forgot that life is to be joked at, and not least to be deadly laughed at. It is perhaps the beggining of a new stage in understading feelings, as actually I find myself unaware of how to react in certain situations. I stay in doubt whether to be the one I was before (myself) or to be the one that is about to be born inside me … (the new me). I am between the boundries of understanding and tranquility. A nice word this one “tranquility”… could I find what I miss on the other part of life … or should I start building my clock from scratch …