Feeling good …

Today I had after much time the satisfaction of a well did thing (and almost finished as well). It is hard for me to finish things that I have started… I’m a gemini, it stays in my nature they say.
I like to start things, it gets me excited and I like to make plans … I just suck at fullfiling them. I feel bad when I can’t deliver things I have to, I feel embarassed and bad about myself as an overall idea. Today I saw the sun … he glanced at me and said : ” See you in the summer. ” I wish I could have told him that I can’t wait for the summer, I will get home too late and I would like to see him sooner. He didn’t hang around to hear that though. I am … in strange state of mind. I seem to have changed, I care and I don’t care anymore and would like to have something else but in the same time I am quite satisfied with what I have now. Except money… money I miss. And old saying tells us … “it’s better to miss money than feeling the lack of them.” It sounds weird in english. Enough for tonight … cheers …

I hate PHP

It seems me and PHP are not the perfect mates. I am waaay behind schedule with making my code and now I’ve found myself in an impossibility to find something that I need … Uff… I will be back

Who am I – Romanian post

I was asked by a friend to write this a little time ago… and although it is in Romanian I am going to post it here in respect to the fact that I do not want to loose it if I format my computer.

Cine sunt eu …

Buna intrebare… cine sunt eu oare ?

Daca o privim din punct de vedere fizic, sunt un o persoana de sex masculin, in varsta de 19 ani, nascut pe 16 iunie 1986 – prin urmare am aproape 20 de ani, inalt de 1,84m , 90 de kg ochii albastrii si par saten. Asta ar fi descrierea mea fizica sumara, simplu si la obiect. In fapt, eu sunt cu totul altceva. Sunt trup, suflet si ratiune, pentru ca datorita ultimelor trenduri in domeniu, ca sa fii diferit de animale, asa trebuie sa te descrii. Cu trupul am inceput, si simt ca este destul ceea ce am spus anterior. Sa trecem mai departe, la suflet.

Imi place sa cred ca in fiecare dintre noi se salasluieste o samanta de rau si doua seminte ale binelui. Spun asta pentru ca facand o mica pararela intre sufletul meu si un pamant agricol, o sa ne dam seama ca samanta raului creste si fara apa si fara caldura si fara ca pamantul sa fie afanat, in timp ce semintele binelui sunt greu de plantat, greu de protejat si crescut si cel mai important, greu de obtinut un produs finit din ele. De aceea este nevoie de doua. Raul, creste usor in sufletul meu, il simt in fiecare zi ca sta ascuns dupa un perete, asteptand momentul oportun in care sa isi faca aparitia si sa imi dicteze dorinta. Asta, datorita faptului ca am ales ceea ce cred eu, ca este binele in sufletul meu, pentru a trece prin prisma lui, ceilalti oameni si relatiile mele cu ei. Sunt prins intre cele doua extreme totusi, ca orice alt pamantean, insa ma mandresc cu faptul ca reusesc, pe zi ce trece sa imi mentin verticalitatea. Imi consider sufletul, un loc, ca o camera in mine unde am un scaun pe care ma asez, de fiecare data cand fac ceva in lumea reala. Fara sa vreau sau nu, acolo este locul unde ma uit de fiecare data cand mint sau cand dezamagesc, cand ma bucur sau iubesc. Scaunul din mintea mea, este lucrul care ma cunoaste cel mai bine in lumea asta. Este cel, fata de care nu pot sa ascund nimic, pentru ca daca am impresia ca il insel, ma insel de fapt pe mine intrucat el stie ce fac eu. El stie pe cine doresc, pe cine urasc sau pe cine apreciez. In rest, este numai fum. Prin urmare imi place sa cred ca sunt un suflet preponderent bun. M-am dat raului in cvasii-ocazii si desii era foarte placut, intrucat numai gaseam scaunul din mintea mea ca fiind important, am sfarsit prin a ma impiedica de el de fiecare data. Rational, e greu sa ma decid cine sunt intrucat, in zilele noastre ratiunea numai este o virtute acceptata general. Fiecare isi are ratiunea lui, oare si eu sunt la fel ? De obicei ma indentific rational cu majoritatea oamenilor de langa mine, si spun de obicei pentru ca sunt si exceptii, despre care nu o sa vorbesc pentru ca fac parte din educatia si experienta mea de viata ca individ, prin urmare nici nu as putea sa fiu obiectiv. Ca om, imi place increderea, imi place comunicarea, traiesc pentru a comunica, pentru a sti ce se intampla in viata celorlalti, pentru a ajuta si a fi ajutat in schimb, pentru a iubi, dar nu cu vorba, ci cu sufletul. Sunt plictisitor, imi place stabilitatea, imi place sa stiu pe ce pasesc dar nu dispretuiesc riscul si nici nu imi este teama de el. Sunt apa si pamant, cenusa si foc, ras si plans, sunt o lacrima pe obrazul unui copil, sunt o picatura intr-o mare, sunt o pasare, ce spre cer zbora neincetat, nestiind ca cerul este sfarsitul. O sa ma opresc aici, deoarece sunt doar un om.

Mihai Teodor Tanase – Copenhaga 2006

Raining …

It’s raining again, just when I thought that it would be over, it started again. Most people say it’s normal … I doubt it. Maybe it’s only because I really want nice days. Nice days make me feel good. Water, water on my head and in my heart … I just hope it will be over by friday. I have to make it to Sweden, to a barbecue party. I want a nice shiny day then. I forgot to print today … stupid me … what am I going to read now ? What ? No I ain’t reading from the PC…

Again 4 days of silence …

It is so usual for me to let my blog un-updated for 4 days. But now, I am bored. I am at work and guess what ? I am not working at all, I am actually blogging … cause every other thing I could think of doing have poofed into the air like fairies. So here I am, sitting at my desk, writing and writing. What happened lately ? Let’s see… The offices are going into renovation starting Monday (NOT, they started drilling today), for ONLY 5 months – God knows what they are doing in 5 months time – I have received 2 tickets to the “DaVinci Code” movie on first display in Copenhagen tonight, and I am waaaaay behind with my school work. I am low on money (but that will be fixed in a week or so), and I think I have to give up drinking coffeiin … nooo …. not coffeee. I love coffee… Ooopss… here goes the drilling again. Wonderful ! I have planned reading for this weekend as the financial status makes me stay indoors more. Next on the agenda … oh.. I have to get an agenda to have a “next on the agenda” quote. My school-mate-friend Iven took me out for a beer a couple of evenings ago. It was good… I needed that.
I need to get out more, have friends and revive my social position. Good theory… bad practice. Now it’s 12:03, I should be eating now, but guess what … they’re having a meeting in the place we eat … isn’t that cute ? But it’s WRONG ! I’m not that hungry, but come to think of all the good stuff they are preparing …. uuhhmm…
Cocio has become my best friend in the last days. I know it sounds a bit childlish, me drinking coco-milk all day (for those of you who want to know what Cocio is checkout www.cocio.dk – not that anybody reads this besides me), but it makes me feel good. It seems Coke has gathered forces with Coffee to make my heart pound harder … or is it maybe becuause of the sentimental battle inside … hmmm … good question …

A friend I never met ….

It is very funny, how life plays us … And there are definite souls that match, and have always known each other. Without knowing I met someone new today, that I actually seem to have known for a long time. Funny context isn’t it ? I won’t disclose the identity of this person, I will just refer to him/her as K. Me and K have never met each other, we do not know our outer appearance, but inside I feel that I have known K for a very long time, and the same thing is applicable for K. Although it is very little that I actually can tell about K, I feel that in the future the friendship will bring much experience one to another. To make a comparison, I was thinking about the tv-show, “The Highlander”… remember when Duncan McLoud was near another immortal ? He felt it… now, that’s how I perceived K.
Let’s move on though… t0day was kind of a long day for me. Walked a lot, worked a bit and now I am sitting in the cozyness of my bed writting a few lines before I go to bed. Everyone seems to be going on a holiday … except me… as Greece seems to be the main attraction this year. I have been always wanting to visit Athens … it represents a big history lesson for me.
P.S. Thank you … again

A piece of kindness

Today I was in the 5A bus coming home from the city. It was a bit crowded and hot …
A couple holding a child of about 3 – 4 years were standing, looking a bit stressed about all the dark-skinned crowd around them. I haven’t noticed though that sitting 2 rows in front of me, were sitting an older couple … let’s say sixtish, looking quite normal I’d say, maybe that is why I haven’t noticed them. At one moment the old lady went through her bag and pulled out a brand new toy-car that she handed to the little one I have mentioned above. It was like out of the shop new (wrapped in the plastic foil and everthing). The gesture left everyone around speechless, including me. The child opened his hand receiving the unexpected gift, as the parents were still not beliving their eyes. They thanked kindly to the old couple. I found the happening quite moving as the couples had nothing in common, they didn’t knew themselvs from before… it was just … a moment spark from the old lady. The happines of the child holding his new car was radiating meters in the bus. I felt good … seeing the odd gesture …It is actually interesting how I have began to perceive absolutely human and normal gestures, as odd and rare ones. It is maybe because of the world becoming mean … and dragging us with it ?

What’s a file cabinet ?

Here I am again not updating my blog so many days … lazy me …
Today I took a walk in the park nearby … as you can see I felt creative … not enough … but I tried. Tomorrow seems to be a busy day … I hope at least, as I was getting a bit bored…
Tuesday I went to the theatre, Harold Pinta’s plays. ” The room ” and ” Cellebration “. Pinta’s characters are empty as he wrote ” The room ” in 4 days being his first also. The main characters, and old non-communicating couple have the whole power over the play. Pinta ignores time and space, letting the viewers in deep darkness and confusion. One can understand part of the characters by taking a look at the writers life. It seems he places the characters in London, somewhere after World War 2. Although it was a limited budget cast, with only about 100 viewers most of the actors behaved extraordinary, using all the cards in the sleeve, throwing everything in and making the audience hail in ecstasy in the end. On the other hand “Cellebration” has a humorous theme, where all the action takes place in a restaurant where 2 couples enjoy a wedding aniversary, but are disturbed near the end of the play by an old “girl-friend” of the cellebrating man.I assume the whole point of this play is to emphasise the tolleration of adulter in pseudo-well-established families. I would take the time someday to make a full review, as I don’t feel that now is the correct time and I am definately NOT in the right mood…. therefore … me … over and out. 

Thank you …

Thank you, for loving me, for letting me see exactly how you are inside and not how you pretend to be outside, thank you for trusting me, for kissing and caressing me, for respecting me and for spending time with me. In the same time I thank you for not spending time with me, for hurting me, for dissapointing me and for betraying my trust. Thank you for ignoring me, for making me feel lost and lonely, and though I know I will never be able to love as pure as I did love you, thank you for making me stronger. For having me reach the maturity of thought and feelings, although it is quite sad that I will leave part of how I used to perceive feelings aside. I will from today let go everything that made me feel with my heart first and then with my brain, and start doing the other way around … like grown-ups do. A part of me which waited to be born is now into this world, as another part of me dies. I cannot say that I am happy with the change, but I assume this is how things go in life, when you gain something, you loose something, but sometimes, whether we like I like or not, the trade is not fare, as you loose something you treasured to something you will get stuck to. Remember how you felt when you were first told that Santa Claus doesn’t exist ? Well, you gave away the trust, and received a small piece of maturity. Thank you …

Moving around… – 13 a bad no ? -

Yesterday I moved to another apartment. The ugly thing in Copenhagen, is that if you’re a student you’re practically fucked from many points of view as you have to have pretty pure luck to find an apartment which you can rent for 2-3 years. Most persons rent for 3-4-6 months.And that’s is, after 6 months you have to take your bed and clothes and find a new place, whether you like it or not. This apartment is for 8 months or even 1 year (it’s unclear yet). The good thing is that this apartment is damn central, bigger and comfier. I really like it here. The room where I live is quite big. It didn’t take as much as I thought to move all the stuff around and get them in place, as everything is almost where it belongs. I now live at number 13, and I stongly hope it’s not going to bring bad luck. Tomorrow it will take me 15 minutes to get to school which is pretty welcomed in respect to all those mornings where I had to spend 30 minutes or more on the way to school. Oh, life seems to smile more and more on me …